white wine

White wine. My nemesis. My love. My downfall.

How can you be so delicious when done right?
And so awful when done wrong?
Why do you sometimes smell and taste so scrumptuous?
And sometimes taste so bad you have to be drunk brain-freeze cold or diluted with ice?
Why do you make me feel so good?
And then make me behave so poorly?

I continue to dive into NA wines, this time sampling a non-alcoholic white wine from FRE. As I battled with FOMO over delicious crisp wines other people were tucking into over the holiday season, I wanted to see if I could find something that would scratch the itch. White wine was my Go To / Get Drunk Quick drink of choice before I stopped drinking. White wine was an entry-level drink for me, something I could access readily and cheaply in England… but something which matured with me as I grew up, travelled the world and uncovered its endless possibilities:

• I discovered in France that my favorite white wine is Semillon Sauvignon.
• I discovered in California that my favorite white wine is Chardonnay.
• I discovered in South Africa that my favorite white wine is Chenin Blanc.
• I discovered in Australia that my favorite white wine is Verdelho.
• I discovered in Italy that my favorite white wine is Pinot Grigio.
• I discovered in England that cheap white wine was passable when served icy cold.
• I discovered that my ‘off switch’ was broken when it came to drinking white wine.
• I discovered over and over that white wine makes me a lousy, argumentative drunk.

White wine is a particular beast of the alcohol world and is unmatched in its ability to be both wonderful and absolutely awful. In fact, my own Mum was the first person to identify for me that white wine was my most dangerous drink and that I should set a ‘no white wine’ rule for my socializing. She helped me to identify that white wine specifically had a negative effect on me and that if I avoided that particular poison, I could perhaps be a more pleasant drinking buddy.

And in doing my research, it turns out I am not alone in this. Digging into it with my own desk research, I found threads around ‘wine drunk’ and ‘wine hangovers’ that were consistent with my own experiences.

wine drunk

Some people will argue that wine drunk is a different drunk to other booze drunk. I can attest to that. White wine used to get me drunk fast, be so easy-drinking that I would want to keep supping it in great volume, and with an average ABV over 10%, it was strong enough to cause reeeeeeeal trouble. Fights with friends, fights with boyfriends, mishaps with coworkers… and the most horrendous headaches the next day paired with blacked-out memory loss. Welp.

Turns out, misery truly does love company. According to the Daily Mail, I am not the only woman to have been sent ‘mental‘ by white wine (their word, not mine). Their findings suggest that the drinkable nature of white wine combines with women’s tendency to over-pour is the first step towards madness. The higher levels of sugar in white wine (vs other drinks and other types of wine) plus the specific sulphates are also attributed to how very drunkie poo we tend to get when drinking a glass or three of Sauvignon Plonk.

wine hangovers

Along with the concept of being wine drunk, wine hangovers truly are a thing. Wine has the absolute worst reputation for producing particularly nasty hangovers. Waking up like death, heavy, pounding headache, memory loss, nausea, anxiety, sweats… you name it and a wine hangover has got it covered.

Aside from the other culprits that contribute to these kind of hyper-intense hangovers, like drinking too much, drinking on an empty stomach, and not staying hydrated, the congeners in red wine apparently have something to do with this idea of a ‘wine hangover’. Congeners are chemical byproducts of the fermentation process that give wine and other alcoholic drinks their flavor. They’re found in higher concentrations in darker drinks, including red wine. These nightmare congeners are associated with more severe hangovers, but apply most firmly to red wine hangovers.

As for a ‘white wine hangover’, the most common factors behind those kind of horrid hangovers include dehydration, mild alcohol poisoning, and the body’s depletion of vitamins and minerals. See, alcohol, in general, is a diuretic. As you drink wine, it hastens the body’s natural process of flushing out fluids. If you don’t drink enough water, this will lead to dehydration, which brings a bout of sluggishness and nausea. As we drink white wine like it is water, avoiding hydrating our desperately dehydrated bodies, we amplify that depletion of good stuff in our system and aggravate the whole scenario.

If you do a Google search, you will discover that the most common symptoms of a hangover are:

• Fatigue and weakness
• Thirst
• Headaches and muscle aches
• Nausea, vomiting or stomach pain
• Bad sleep
• Increased sensitivity to light and sound
• Dizziness or a sense of the room spinning
• Shakiness
• Decreased ability to concentrate
• Mood disturbances, such as depression, anxiety and irritability
• Rapid heartbeat

Alas, I don’t have to take WebMD’s word for it. I’ve discovered first hand, time and time again, the horrendous nature of a bad hangover in my boozy days of yesteryear.

700 days, hangover free

Even writing about hangovers is powerful enough to solidify my resolve. And hurrah! I am so fortunate to be able to say I am over 700 days hangover free and not planning on getting one any time soon. Following advise from the likes of Allen Carr and Holly Whitaker, I made a decision to quit alcohol and I never ever question that decision.

Make a decision to quit alcohol and never ever doubt that decision.

Allen Carr

And so, after all of this pre-amble, how does an alcohol-free Chardonnay from FRE shape up? Does it do anything to remove my sense of FOMO and my grief over white wine?

No. Not really.
It is semi-rubbish.
It lacks all of the sophistication, depth and interest of a true Chardonnay. It doesnt have the same rich, buttery, oaky deliciousness of a good Chard.
However, for everything that it lacks, it does have a fresh, tastiness that was pleasant with roast turkey over Thanksgiving and Christmas.

According to FRE, their Chardonnay’s rich, creamy apple flavors mingle with crisp citrus notes on the palate, concluding with an enjoyable tart finish. The grapes are harvested from California’s finest cool-climate vineyards, where breezes and fog allow the grapes to ripen slowly and develop rich, complex flavors. FRE is crafted using traditional winemaking methods, followed by state-of-the-art spinning cone technology to remove the alcohol while safeguarding the delicate aromas and flavors of a traditional glass of wine.

Hmmmmmm. OK.
I cannot agree that it has the depth of aromas of a traditional Chardonnay BUT like I said, it was very pleasant with my holiday turkey and it lightly scratched my itch.