others

One thing I have noticed from the get-go:

How other people’s drinking habits or their opinions of my non-drinking habits can really impact me. Not enough to drive me to drink of course, I’m not that easily misguided. But certainly enough to impact my reactions, responses and relationships. I have identified a few different groups of opinion-makers when it comes to my personal sobriety:

1. Those who fully support me and have seen the self-improvements I have made since giving up drinking
2. Those who jump to quickly defend their own drinking behaviors, just because I have changed mine
3. Those who wish to encourage me to drink again: “you could always just have one” or “a mimosa doesn’t count“
4. Those who believe I am judging their drinking and being sanctimonious or ‘holier than thou’

The first group of people, let’s call them my true friends. People who have continued to socialize with me since I quit drinking and who have accepted my change, acknowledging the good they see in me. I thank them with all my heart for their open-armed support and encouragement.

The second group of people are the most common. For them, I am holding up a mirror to their own drinking patterns and behaviors in light of the changes that I have made myself. Without any comment or reflection on my journey, they immediately flip the conversation towards themselves with comments such as “well, you know, I never drink during the week, just on weekends…” or “I rarely have more than two glasses…“.

The third group are blind to my endeavors as they think that “this too shall pass” and I am just cutting down or going through a phase and should, of course, have a glass of champagne at the wedding or enjoy a mimosa at Christmas. What harm could one little drinkie cause? They haven’t yet given my transformation credence or understood that I have made a decision to quit drinking and will never question my decision. I am resolute and tee total. Unfathomable to this third group.

Last but not least

And so the fourth and final group. The group that is most upset with me. The group that takes it a step further and feels judged by my new non-drinking demeanor. They seem to be threatened by the idea of a tee totaler which causes them to be both defensive of their own drinking and also lash out at me for being boring, judgey or even sanctimonious.

Sanctimonious
: hypocritically pious or devout

Merriam Webster

And for this fourth group, it is tricky. While I actively encourage my friends and family to enjoy a glass of wine, beer or dram of whiskey in the spirit of ‘life’s for living’, I am only an advocate of their drinking so long as they keep it classy.

Because, here’s the truth. I don’t care if you drink, so long as you are not sloppy around me or my children. I don’t care if you drink so long as you don’t impact my family’s day or evening with poor behaviors. But if your drinking is a problem and that problems spills over and starts to become my problem, then I care.

And even then, I don’t care enough to judge you because I know what a demon alcohol is and this is not my first time at the rodeo. But I do care enough to step away. To put distance between your shenanigans and my own. That’s not judgement so much as common sense. Or self-preservation.

So, am I being sanctimonious? Am I a pious hypocrite if I have done the hard work to stop being an annoying drunk? Or am I still sanctimonious because I used to be an annoying drunk? Tricky tricky.

Sanctimonious versus Smug

Maybe I would be better called self-righteous or smug. That probably works better. Because there I would agree – I am so smug! Here’s the things I feel smug about:

• Completing university to enable me to get on track for a good career
• Building on that career with my own ambitions to enable me to have reached leadership level
• Moving to USA by getting a job on my own merits with full visa sponsorship
• Marrying a tall, hot, kind, funny man who I believe is my soul mate
• Birthing (naturally) two fantastic beautiful children
• Getting my body back in shape after those kids
• Committing to being a supportive, caring daughter to my parents
• Using my financial smarts to get on the property ladder (thrice)
• Identifying my drinking behaviors were not feeding into my success story
• Understanding that my drinking was detracting from my successes
• Finding the strength and will-power to quit drinking
• Establishing a daily meditation which helps me to stay on track and stay sane

Smug. Smug. Smug.

But this smugness and pride in how well I’ve given up drinking and allowed my other successes to step into the spotlight where they were previously overshadowed by Chardonnay, is part of my story and part of what keeps me motivated and moving forward resolutely. I’m proud of all that I have accomplished and am so much healthier for it all. Mentally and physically.

Life is a journey and no doubt I’ll have plenty of difficult chapters to come that will knock me down a peg or two. But for now, I’m raising a glass to myself and everything I’ve achieved, who I’ve become. And to all the others out there… Santé.