memories

I am at a phase in my life right now, as a mother of youngish children, where we are all about creating memories. Creating wonderful moments, traditions, beach days or day trips, routines and repeat activities which help create happiness, stability and joy for our family.

We recently invested in a camper van so that we could spend our summer weekends away in the mountains, surrounded by nature; birds, deer, bunnies, lizards, pine trees, summer storms and exploring outdoors. Our getaway retreat also has a pool for refreshing weekends spent splashing for the kids or reading books in the sunshine for the grownups. It is heavenly and with my new alcohol-free lifestyle it is stress free, 100% hangover free and I am learning more and more how to stay present in the moment.

Being Mindful

Staying present in the moment is a wonderful skill. I am admittedly not great at it but I am definitely better than I used to be. With my daily morning ritual, one of my affirmations is about staying in the moment, learning to not be quite so stuck in my own head. Without any toxins or drugs in my system, I do find that I am free from anxiety or stress on the whole and therefore not so trapped in my own worries. Every single morning, I spend ten minutes meditating, reflecting on my progress and reinforcing my commitment to never drink alcohol again. It is not just about being alcohol-free (although that is a major part of it) but also just becoming a better version of myself. My affirmations that I listen to every morning speak to sobriety, motherhood and behavior change as core themes. I focus on becoming centered, calm, caring, considerate… a warm and kind mother who is there for her kids and making their childhoods the best I can.

And as I now live Sober Furiously, here’s the twist in the story that tells you about how this wasn’t always the case.

I wasn’t always so focused on making memories for my kids. I was more selfish, more social, spending time hanging out drinking with co-workers rather than being grounded at home with my family. Rather than focusing on the quality of life for my kids and ensuring their memories were filled with joyful moments, I was instead, at times, praying that they were too young to remember the poor behaviors they had witnessed from their Mummy. At the worst of times, I would think with a smidge of relief “oh well at least that happened while they were still too young to remember it“.

YIKES.

Memory Loss

While I was busy hoping to erase the kids’ memories of the ‘out of control’ behaviors I was demonstrating I was also dealing with a whole other monster: memory loss. With age and maturity came a reduced tolerance for alcohol which caused a terrifying level of memory loss and blackouts. I would wake up after a night out with co-workers, semi-mortified about what I had done, what I had said, what embarrassment I had caused. And semi-confused as I only remembered tiny bites from the night before. Teeny tiny little memories would roll into my consciousness like dark clouds on a sunny day.

Snippets like:

• the teary conversation I had with a co-worker
• the honest sharing of childhood trauma tales at the bar
• the indiscreet peeing behind a non-discreet tree
• the lurching up my driveway and falling into a bush.

Some of these blurry little memories were witnessed by coworkers, friends and by my husband and children. But that isn’t the worst of it. The worst of it is, if these are the things I could remember from the night before, imagine the horrors that I couldn’t remember. The mortifying ‘other‘ tales that I could only imagine and embellish. The sense of shame still runs incredibly deep. The shame would hit me alongside the hangover and still hasn’t faded even now I am 546 days without an alcoholic drink.

I think back to some awful, awful memories, black holes and over-embellished blurry moments from my drinking days and my toes curl, my stomach lurches and my sense of regret hits me HARD. Many of those moments are too bleak for me to share here as I try to push them to the back of my mind and move on to my more positive and cheery situation of today.

Making Memories

And so back to the future we go, focusing on the present day, the positive new environment that I have created for myself and for my family. With my morning ritual of reflection and affirmation, I start the day focusing on my mental goals and spend the rest of each day trying to live my best life. Soberly.
People think living a sober life must be terribly dull but that is the crafty little secret that we T-Totalers know about. It isn’t dull at all!! In fact, there is a surprising and refreshing joy to be found in sobriety as your body frees itself of toxins and you remove that desperate feeling of needing something other than your own awesome self to survive. It takes a relatively short while for that to happen and after a few weeks and months, you realize that you can be happy, can have a good time, can enjoy yourself without a drink in your hand. There is a freedom that you start to feel the more that reliance on booze starts to slip away. Gatherings with co-workers or fellow parents on playdates used to be terribly awkward for me if there wouldn’t be booze. Now I glide into these events with ease and often find myself enjoying the moment much more, taking photos, holding babies, making sandcastles, dancing to the music, enjoying the desserts, sparking up a conversation with the caterers. <<<< All activities I would never have gotten to if I was staying closest to the open bar or drinks table.

I find I am able to enjoy a soda or NA beer and have an entirely excellent time connecting with people, overcoming my slight shyness by staying close to my kids. Taking deep breaths, taking it all in my stride, taking it easy. This calmer version of me helps me to focus more on my family (rather than on getting my kicks) and this summer that has meant a lot of time spent glamping with my kids, splashing in the pool, being out in nature and making those memories while the kids are young and scrumptious.

There is a surprising joy to be found in sobriety as your body frees itself of toxins and you remove that desperate feeling of needing something other than your own awesome self to survive.

Sober Furious

Making Mocktails

Part of what helps me to enjoy my sober life so much is how I have stopped relying on alcohol to fuel my fun and now just seek a mixed bag of delights when I go out or socialize. That means leaning into charcuterie or dessert or seeking enjoyment in the activity or conversation itself rather than leaning on the crutch of alcohol. One thing I do enjoy is finding a tasty drink to enjoy but let’s not kid ourselves that it is an alcohol replacement. It is not. It won’t give you a buzz so how can it be a booze replacement? However, it is good to have a yummy drink in your hand and we can do better than a diet coke or a lemonade. This tasty treat featured here is subtle. It is light. Refreshing. It goes very well with a salad or with a cheese plate. Seedlip Grove 42 describes itself as a sophisticated, bright, citrus blend of Mediterranean Orange, Lemon Peel, Lemongrass and Ginger with a dry finish. I paired it with tonic water, a squeeze of lemon and ice and found it to be a classy little tipple. This is my first time trying Seedlip and I am excited to try the other two non-alcoholic spirits in their portfolio. They are a brand with an awesome mission: to change the way the world drinks with the highest quality non-alcoholic options.

Their roots and history lie in the ancient art of distilling herbal remedies using copper stills, harnessing the power of nature & alchemy to solve medical maladies. Centuries later, Seedlip founder Ben Branson was inspired to purchase a small copper still and experiment with distilling herbs grown in his garden at home. He began two meticulous years of perfecting the world’s first non-alcoholic spirit–combining Ben’s farming heritage, love of nature & design, and fulfilling the need for a flavorful, sophisticated adult option for those not drinking alcohol. Sign me up!!