In February, I passed my third anniversary of being alcohol-free without barely even mentioning it. I didn’t feel inclined to mark the passing of this important anniversary with fan fare, let alone a new blog article. In fact, I have not felt inclined to post a new blog article for some time. And yet this blog has its own role and benefit of keeping me accountable to journalling my sober journey – and part of that is a fear that, if I do not post, people will think I have royally f’cked up and fallen off the wagon.
In fact, just this week, a good friend of mine sent me some unsolicited guidance and content regarding persevering with sobriety which may have been a subtle way of kindly checking in with me. Thankful for the accountability that comes with being so very open about my sober furious transformation, I wanted to write about how comfortably I have fallen into the routine of my alcohol-free life and how easy my resolution is to this lifestyle.
As I sipped on a Heineken Zero recently, I reflected upon why I am able to drink NA beers and talk openly about journey without worrying that I’ll get tempted to slip. It comes from routine, it comes from having entirely and completely removed alcohol from my life, from my habits, from my consideration. It comes from being absolutely, steadfastly resolute. As Allen Carr teaches, I have made a decision to never drink alcohol and I never question that decision. Having a mindset, a lifestyle and a daily routine that respects and supports that decision all feeds into my strength, my resolution and my power.
auto-repeat
Part of the routine is the NA drinks that are on auto-repeat into my grocery cart: Heineken Zero, La Croix, Athletic Brewing, Traditional Medicinal Teas. These drinks have become the corner stone to my lifestyle; when I am at home relaxing with my family, lubricating social situations, pairing well with good food.
It is because of the ease of my wonderful alcohol free life that I am no longer rushing to sample new and different NA variants and brands. However, I want to be aware of how routine can breed complacency and from complacency perhaps comes risk. And so to celebrate my third year of being sober furious, I am going to shake off my routine and try something new and wonderfully named Hollow Leg.
Hollow Leg noun; an ability or inclination to drink large quantities of alcoholic beverages, especially without evident drunkenness.
Hollow Leg not only has a fantastic, memorable brand name but also a range of remarkable products. They claim that their unique process preserves the mouthfeel, taste, and aroma of the original wine without the need for weird chemicals, added sugar or unusual flavour additives. The wines have everything but alcohol.
sparkle
On St Patrick’s day, enjoying Sunday Funday with friends, I took a bottle of Hollow Leg Sparkling Rose to drink with brunch. Pancakes, sausages, quiche, salad and huevos rancheros were a phenomenal feast and the Hollow Leg Sparkling Rose paired perfectly. As my friends enjoyed champagne cocktails, my alcohol-free option was a real treat. With origins in Spain, it has a summery aroma with lychee and floral notes that opens up a sparkling and fruity palate with an elegant and refreshing flavour of red apple and yellow plums.
Returning to old Blighty for the Christmas holidays marked a significant milestone for me – my first trip back to the motherland and the epicenter of binge drinking since becoming sober furious. Stepping foot on English soil after six years, I found myself in unfamiliar territory, devoid of the plans to indulge in all the gin & tonics and pints of beer that England has to offer. Navigating family gatherings and traveling with kids can strain anyone’s mental health, and yet surprisingly, the trip unfolded fantastically without a single hiccup regarding my alcohol-free lifestyle.
NA Revolution in UK
England has certainly changed in the 6 years since I had been “home” and the eleven years since I have lived in the USA. Gone are the days when alcohol reigned supreme. Over there, they are experiencing a surge in alcohol-free behaviours and alcohol-free products. The supermarkets were absolutely delightfully stocked full of non-alcoholic drink options – far more than the standard grocery stores here. Non-alcoholic variants in all the top brands from Gordon’s Gin to Stella Artois to Guinness. It was surprising, refreshing even… and a clear sign of the societal shift happening in UK regarding alcohol consumption.
Digging deeper on the topic, my research revealed that over half of UK consumers aged 18-34 worry about the effect of alcohol on their emotional wellbeing, and over two-thirds of all alcohol drinkers have the same concern. These concerns are driving consumers towards low-alcohol and non-alcoholic drinks. Consistently strong new product development has driven rapid growth in the low- and no-alcohol drinks market. Growth has slowed recently, but only slightly, and Mintel estimates that the market will increase by another 11.2% in 2023.
Stock the Fridge
Upon arriving in the UK, my lovely mother pre-stocked the fridge of our holiday cottage with non-alcoholic beers and pre-mixed NA G&Ts as well as popping a Lancashire Hot Pot on low in the crock pot. After a very long journey from San Diego to Heathrow to Manchester to Garstang, Lancashire, my Mum’s homemade Lancashire Hot Pot served with crusty bread and a non-alcoholic beer was absolute perfection. One of the best beers that my Mum hooked me up with is Free Damm, a delicious non-alcoholic lager produced by the Spanish brewery Damm. Free Damm is crafted to offer the taste and experience of beer without the alcohol content and aims to provide a refreshing and satisfying beer-drinking experience while remaining alcohol-free.
Lancashire Hot Pot with NA Beer
So to break with tradition and pay homage to my wonderful mother, today I am going to celebrate the combination of non-alcoholic beer from Free Damm with my Mum’s traditional Lancashire Hotpot.
One thing that has been an important part of growing up into my forties has been “owning my own shit”. A somewhat vulgar phrase that has become common vernacular. At its core, it’s about being responsible and accountable for myself and how I interact with the world around me. The biggest and most demonstrable part of that is my behavior as a wife, daughter, sister, friend. The impact of my actions on my family, friends and colleagues and how I make other people feel. How I make a positive contribution to the lives of others, while staying true to my own values.
Own your shit; Take responsibility of your actions. Own your shit and admit your wrong doing
This act of “owning your own shit” is not exclusive to those going through a sober curious revolution.
It’s more related to understanding deeply who you are as a person. Being clear on what you hold dear. Defining what you wish to prioritize and focus on in life. And then having the through-put to back that up, on a consistent basis.
cringe
When I was a boozy, bingey-drinky individual, this kind of consistency, reliability and just plain decency was sometimes lacking. While my behavior rarely got tooooo damaging or destructive, there were moments, incidents and evenings that I look back on cringing, knowing I did not represent myself well. Through blurry, cobbled together memories, I am certain that I did not show up well for my friends and family.
At best, I was a distracted douche, perhaps sometimes a tactless tit and at worst I was a drunken dick.
In the interest of becoming a better person, “owning my own shit” and growing up, I have a strong desire to repair any damage done in my younger years. Not normally a Miley Cyrus fan, I’ve been playing her latest track ‘Used to be Young’ on repeat, reflecting on the lyrics, warbling to my hearts content. While Miley excuses her more wild, reckless behavior on her youth and acknowledges those behaviors are in the past, for me, I cannot so easily forgive any past behavior by blaming it on my younger, wilder years or on alcohol. That is just too easy.
I want to own my poor behaviors and face the facts – that I have let people down, offended them or embarrassed myself. It hurts to admit my mistakes and remember my shameful moments, but that is part of the process.
“This song is about honoring who we‘ve been, loving who we are and celebrating who we will become.” Miley Cyrus
steps
And so, similar to the 9th step of a classic AA program, I am working through making amends with those people who I let down. Alcoholics Anonymous’ Step 9 of the 12 Steps is to make amends with those who have been harmed during the throes of alcohol addiction. It builds on Step 8, which required the individual to make a list of everyone he or she has harmed throughout the battle with alcohol addiction.
I don’t have a list, per se, of people who I need to apologize to but I certainly have friends who I feel I should have done better by. And I have been reaching out to those friends. Giving them a taste of the better person I am slowly becoming and admitting to them the sadness I feel when I think about how I let them down or the shame I feel when I reflect on moments of my past.
It’s gut wrenching and scary being so vulnerable but, so far, people have been very warm and kind to me. Working through the discomfort is a very productive journey and I feel better for it.
phony
With my focus on being real and owning it, what better contrast than something phony. A Phony Negroni to be precise. My husband found these online and kindly bought a box of 12 for me as a birthday gift. They are by a brand called St. Agrestis and describe themselves as The Negroni For When You’re Not Negroni-ing. A non-alcoholic option with nuanced juniper, citrus, and floral notes, this delightful mocktail has the same bitterness and bite of the classic cocktail, sans alcohol.
Digging into generational patterns to unlearn some behaviors, I need to travel 5,000 miles and head back to the 1990s.
I grew up in a boozy town in the North of England. The small market town of Garstang has a thriving pub trade with seven pubs, four of which I worked in over the years. Back then, there was The Farmers Arms, The Crown, The Eagle and Child, The King’s Arms, The Royal Oak, The Wheatsheaf, Th’Owd Tithe Barn, The Checkered Flag and Crofters Tavern (all oh so very British).
And I grew up in a boozy house. My Mum and Dad were regulars at these pubs and on Friday nights would do their pub crawls around the little town. As I got older I would join them, drinking underage with my pals in these pubs. And when I was 17 my parents took on a pub of their own as landlord and landlady. They moved our family out of our ‘normal’ family home to go and live above the pub. This was a wild and ultimately unsuccessful move which broke our family in more ways than one.
generational patterns
You can see that as a family we have deeply engrained behaviors firmly linked to drinking alcohol. For me and my sisters, breaking down these patterns would take a lot of unlearning and retraining. It goes beyond just my immediate family also. To hear my Dad talk, he would speak of how my grandfather and great grandfather also liked a drink. Our penchant for drinking went back generations and ran deep. It is not uncommon for families to have a cycle of inherited behaviors from parents, ancestors, and/or childhood environments. These generational patterns are behaviors that have been passed down. For us it was drinking but for other families it could be abusive natures, addictions, or lying/cheating. People go to great lengths to break their generational patterns. I have friends who have sought out shamanic healers in Peru or went on psilocybin retreats in the wilderness.
Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.
W. E. B. Du Bois, American Sociologist, Activist, Historian (1868-1963)
breaking the pattern
So, imagine my delight this weekend when I saw a sign that generational patterns were being broken in our family. When my nine year old daughter declared that she would not drink when she grew up. That she wanted to be like her Mummy.
I was beyond thrilled!!
Here is why:
My daughter doesn’t remember Boozy Mummy. She just remembers sober Mummy.
My daughter sees my sober behavior as behavior she wants to emulate (versus other tipsy adults around her).
She is not growing up with normalized problematic drinking all around her
She ultimately wishes to not drink when she grows up.
We all know that many things can happen on the road ahead that may change my daughter’s mind. From the kind of friends she hangs out with in her teens, the industry she works in and the partner she chooses – it will all have an influence over whether she becomes a drinker. But I will keep working hard to break these generational patterns. As they get older, I will talk with my children about alcohol facts, reasons not to drink, and ways to avoid drinking in difficult or pressured situations.
For right now though, the fact that my nine year old daughter aspires to be a sober furious badass just like her Mummy is good enough for me.
(Side note: My six year old son also doesn’t remember Boozy Mummy. But he is currently suffering from ice-cream addiction so we don’t yet know what the future holds for him.)
My daughter recommends this Digestion Lemonade from Sunwink. A sparkling superfood tonic, it claims to support gut health with ingredients such as chicory, lemon balm and dandelion.
My dad recently asked me how I wasn’t bored to death being sober. I explained to him that I used to think the same thing when I thought about people who didn’t drink! Looking back, I remember a time when I thought people who were sober were so very boring, that tee-totalers were complete dullards. I could not imagine for a single moment living a life without alcohol. How could I ever laugh and have fun? Or chill out and unwind? What is the point?! I would be very boring and bored out of my brains.
There are certainly moments still now, two and a half years into my sober furious journey, that I crave a little wildness, levity and escapism. That I want to get schwasted with my hubby and fool around and listen to music in an intoxicated manner. That I want to let loose and have uninhibited, down-and-dirty FUN. But those moments are few and far between. For the most part I do not think about alcohol or drinking and 99% of the time I do not miss it in any way.
Better than Bored
As I wrote about in highs / lows, being sober is an acquired taste, like olives. You don’t have the same highs, laugh till you cry, dance till you drop moments but you also don’t have any of the lows either. The hangovers and anxiety and volatility are gone. My life is more even keeled and I am much happier now that I am sober. Happier, freer, fitter, saner, calmer, more poised, more balanced.
Everything is interconnected. Gratitude improves sleep. Sleep reduces pain. Reduced pain improves your mood. Improved mood reduces anxiety. It’s a daisy-chain of benefits.
Catherine Gray, ‘The Unexpected Joy of being Sober’
Boredom vs Boring
Going back to my Dad’s question around being bored to death by being sober… it’s helpful to separate out the two issues here: being boring vs being bored. Is being sober making me boring or making me bored? Surely my Dad doesn’t really think for a second that I am boring, does he? I don’t think so. He has spent enough time around me sober to know that I am still the sparkling, life-affirming zany firecracker I always was. Personally, I feel confident that being sober hasn’t turned me into a complete dullard. But the risk of boredom is definitely a real thing in the quest to maintain long-term sobriety.
Boredom threatens Sobriety
It seems a little silly to think that something as trivial as boredom could be a risk. But in actual fact, the seemingly basic issue of boredom can overturn healing and success for many people in their sober curious journey. Boredom makes the mind wander, makes you restless and can be triggering. As boredom sets in, your mind can trick you into remembering all the “good” times you’ve had drinking, how much fun you used to have, how enjoyable life was with a drink in hand. In Sober Curious groups on Facebook, so many posts ask the question: “what do you do for fun, now that you don’t drink?”. The authors are baffled and befuddled by what to do with all the free time that they used to spend drinking.
Maybe this is where the idea of ‘boring’ and ‘bored’ does start to overlap. The kind of healthy, sober activities that people, including myself, do now that they are sober will likely sound as dull as ditchwater to a heavy-drinking, rock-n-rolling, risk-taking wild ‘un. Activities like: reading, meditation, breathwork, hiking, running, learning an instrument, bike-riding, learning to cook, baking, jigsaw puzzling, taking up a new sport.
Boring but Better
For me, one of these ‘boring’ activities I have leaned into since becoming sober is ‘organizing’. I have always known that I am at my best when I am organized. Since becoming Sober Furious, my schedule is well managed, my calendar and planner lined up and there is more order and organization to how I run my household. Birthday parties are planned early, Christmas gifts bought by Thanksgiving, concert tickets are early bird, camping trips well packed for. I am not rigid or OCD about it, but I am now lacking forgetfulness and last-minute chaos. Chaos and rushing bring out the worst in me and therefore this activity of keeping us all organized and well planned is another multiplier that has helped bring out my extra awesomeness over the past couple of years.
Sober Dancing
One of the things that I organized in advance this year was tickets to my kids’ annual school gala. Knowing I wanted to go this year, I went ahead and bought early bird tickets. I got tickets for a cheaper price, booked it in the calendar and organized a babysitter weeks in advance. I organized my Havana-themed outfit by borrowing from friends or finding stuff on Poshmark. On the night, I was one of the first people dancing. Not forced or anything (“look at me, sober dancing!”)… but just because Shakira was warbling and it got my booty moving. I danced, I drank virgin mojitos, I raided the dessert table and I drove us home clear headed and happy. Being sober and dancing may sound like they don’t go together but it made me feel fantastic. Digging into it further, it turns out that there is actually a growing movement offering sober parties and experiences with a focus on dance to boost your mental health. Worth reading!
Havana Nights Gala
Another thing that helps me not die of boredom are the mocktails available at these kind of events. The enormous upsurgence of non-alcoholic options in the beverage market is a big deal to anyone new to sober curiousity. My latest favorite is actually part of the Superfood beverage market and the folks at Sunwink describe their Sparkling Tonic’s as The Perfect Alcohol Substitute. You can buy a 12-pack of their mocktail vareities which includes the Hibiscus Mint Unwind that I am featuring here. Crafted with hibiscus, mint and ashwagandha known to refresh and relax, it is truly delicious and nutritious.
Ingredients
Sunwink sparkling beverage such as Hibiscus Mint Unwind.
Next time I will try the Lemon Rose Uplift which sounds simply delightful.
Instructions
Choose a Sunkist flavor of your choice
Chill very well
Serve on vintage or fun glassware
Sunwink Sparkling Tonic
If you are comfortable dancing in public without alcohol or drugs, you are at peace with who you are.
How other people’s drinking habits or their opinions of my non-drinking habits can really impact me. Not enough to drive me to drink of course, I’m not that easily misguided. But certainly enough to impact my reactions, responses and relationships. I have identified a few different groups of opinion-makers when it comes to my personal sobriety:
Those who fully support me and have seen the self-improvements I have made since giving up drinking
Those who jump to quickly defend their own drinking behaviors, just because I have changed mine
Those who wish to encourage me to drink again: “you could always just have one” or “a mimosa doesn’t count“
Those who believe I am judging their drinking and being sanctimonious or ‘holier than thou’
The first group of people, let’s call them my true friends. People who have continued to socialize with me since I quit drinking and who have accepted my change, acknowledging the good they see in me. I thank them with all my heart for their open-armed support and encouragement.
The second group of people are the most common. For them, I am holding up a mirror to their own drinking patterns and behaviors in light of the changes that I have made myself. Without any comment or reflection on my journey, they immediately flip the conversation towards themselves with comments such as “well, you know, I never drink during the week, just on weekends…” or “I rarely have more than two glasses…“.
The third group are blind to my endeavors as they think that “this too shall pass” and I am just cutting down or going through a phase and should, of course, have a glass of champagne at the wedding or enjoy a mimosa at Christmas. What harm could one little drinkie cause? They haven’t yet given my transformation credence or understood that I have made a decision to quit drinking and will never question my decision. I am resolute and tee total. Unfathomable to this third group.
Last but not least
And so the fourth and final group. The group that is most upset with me. The group that takes it a step further and feels judged by my new non-drinking demeanor. They seem to be threatened by the idea of a tee totaler which causes them to be both defensive of their own drinking and also lash out at me for being boring, judgey or even sanctimonious.
Sanctimonious : hypocritically pious or devout
Merriam Webster
And for this fourth group, it is tricky. While I actively encourage my friends and family to enjoy a glass of wine, beer or dram of whiskey in the spirit of ‘life’s for living’, I am only an advocate of their drinking so long as they keep it classy.
Because, here’s the truth. I don’t care if you drink, so long as you are not sloppy around me or my children. I don’t care if you drink so long as you don’t impact my family’s day or evening with poor behaviors. But if your drinking is a problem and that problems spills over and starts to become my problem, then I care.
And even then, I don’t care enough to judge you because I know what a demon alcohol is and this is not my first time at the rodeo. But I do care enough to step away. To put distance between your shenanigans and my own. That’s not judgement so much as common sense. Or self-preservation.
So, am I being sanctimonious? Am I a pious hypocrite if I have done the hard work to stop being an annoying drunk? Or am I still sanctimonious because I used to be an annoying drunk? Tricky tricky.
Sanctimonious versus Smug
Maybe I would be better called self-righteous or smug. That probably works better. Because there I would agree – I am so smug! Here’s the things I feel smug about:
Completing university to enable me to get on track for a good career
Building on that career with my own ambitions to enable me to have reached leadership level
Moving to USA by getting a job on my own merits with full visa sponsorship
Marrying a tall, hot, kind, funny man who I believe is my soul mate
Birthing (naturally) two fantastic beautiful children
Getting my body back in shape after those kids
Committing to being a supportive, caring daughter to my parents
Using my financial smarts to get on the property ladder (thrice)
Identifying my drinking behaviors were not feeding into my success story
Understanding that my drinking was detracting from my successes
Finding the strength and will-power to quit drinking
Establishing a daily meditation which helps me to stay on track and stay sane
Smug. Smug. Smug.
But this smugness and pride in how well I’ve given up drinking and allowed my other successes to step into the spotlight where they were previously overshadowed by Chardonnay, is part of my story and part of what keeps me motivated and moving forward resolutely. I’m proud of all that I have accomplished and am so much healthier for it all. Mentally and physically.
Life is a journey and no doubt I’ll have plenty of difficult chapters to come that will knock me down a peg or two. But for now, I’m raising a glass to myself and everything I’ve achieved, who I’ve become. And to all the others out there… Santé.
Ingredients
Surely sparkling rosé – an award-winning non-alcoholic sparkling rosé with crisp, light notes of strawberry, pear & tropical fruits.
Cut glass crystal champagne flutes such as these by Waterford Crystal
Instructions
Chill the wine very well, finishing off with 6 minutes in the freezer
Two years, no booze. Two years, no embarrassing mishaps. Two years, no hangovers. Two years, no shame. Two years, no regrets.
Subconsciously celebrating my two year soberversary, I went out for meals in restaurants twice in the past week and both times I did not for even a moment think about the alcohol offered on the menu.
The first restaurant, a brewpub, I had an Athletic Brewing NA IPA. The second restaurant, a pizza place, I had a raspberry iced tea.
As I enter my third year of sobriety, I am astonished at how well I feel. How happy I am. How even-keeled I have become.
And how little I miss the booze.
two years sober AF!
new normal
The ‘new normal’ is more often used for the new way of working / schooling / interacting since the COVID-19 pandemic hit hard in 2020. But for people who have given up drinking alcohol, there is definitely a relevance to this term as you develop a whole new normal way of socializing, relaxing, wining and dining.
A good example is how I am able to socialize with clients and attend client dinners without telling my life-story to justify why I am not drinking. Nowadays, I manage to order myself Heineken 0.0s, mocktails, sparkling waters and sodas without anyone asking me for my ‘why’ or offering it up myself unprompted. Funny thing is, nobody seems to really notice what I am drinking as they are so very interested in what they themselves are drinking.
Just last week, I was fortunate to go to a fabulous new restaurant with clients here in San Diego, Huntress, where I ordered a delightful mocktail called Sinless which was made with apple cider syrup, lemon and ginger ale… and served in a sleek cocktail glass. It was delicious. As my coworkers and clients drank liquor-forward cocktails, they didn’t seem to notice or care what I was drinking. And at the end of the meal when a decadent chocolate cake was served, I ordered an Americano and other people followed suit.
What’s more, after the meal, when clients wanted to keep raging, raving and mis-behaving, I accompanied them to a fancy rooftop bar, got them situated with espresso martinis and bottles of Taittinger, had a jolly good chat with a few senior clients before doing an Irish exit to head home to my pajamas.
I am not sober boring. Or sober resentful. Or sober self-pitying. I am sober furious and fabulous.
730+ days
When I first quit drinking, like many of the people and posts on Sober Curious social media groups, I expected large paybacks from my behaviour shift. Monetary, mental health and sleep improvements for example. Here’s some of the benefits and rewards I think I have been reaping:
Money saved = $10,428 (104 weekends of not drinking x $100 a weekend conservative average bar tab)
Sleep gained = 416 extra shut-eye(104 weeks of improved sleep twice a week at an average 2 hours extra quality)
Minutes of meditation = 8030 by doing my morning ritual of affirmation meditation every-single-day
Mental health improved = 1,825mg lesslexapro (from weaning myself off post-baby-blues meds)
Cups of tea drunk = 2,124 a mixture of every kind of black, green, herbal, fruit and senna teas imaginable
Books read = 32 fiction and no -fiction, quit lit and non-quit lit (from my more chilled lifestyle)
Podcasts listened to = 9 (which is a small number but podcasts are painful to me. Most of these have been Glennon Doyle, We Can Do Hard Things which I highly recommend)
Bedtime kisses given to my children = 3,650 (at least five kisses each time, none of which have had wine or dragon breath)
To celebrate my two year soberversary, I made a classic lasagne and served it with a non-alcoholic merlot from Fre. Fre themselves are pretty pleased with this wine as they describe it quite elegantly:
With its plush, luxurious taste, and gorgeous garnet color, our alcohol-removed Merlot delivers plenty of style and grace. With seductive black plum aromas and soft cherry and spice flavors, our Merlot is velvety smooth, with a full, rich finish—a classic beauty.
Fre Wines
And to be honest, they are not far off. When paired with a rich dish like lasagne, the wine holds up for us non-alcoholic aficionados. It is smooth and does have a depth to it that helps everything come together. Pairing the wine with herb-crusted lamb chops, hearty stews or juicy hamburgers, as recommended by Fre, really does help it stand up. And that goes for many wines, be they NA or otherwise. Successful wine pairing enhances the dining experience, heightening flavours, textures and qualities in the food. Fre Merlot is able to do that and I will buy it again next time we have red meat or rich food.
Ingredients
Fre Merlot, stored and ready to serve at room temperature.
A nice wine glass.
A rich, hearty or red meat based dish
Instructions
Open and serve immediately (there doesn’t seem to be any benefit from letting NA wine ‘breathe)’
Dryuary (also known as Dry January or Drynuary) is when people abstain from drinking alcohol during the month of January, especially after the excesses of the holidays. Participation normally arises on the 1st January from all walks of life along with phrases like ‘I will never drink again (…for the next 31 days)’.
Many people take part in Dryuary as a way to kick start a healthier lifestyle as a new year begins. As I approach nearly twenty four months alcohol-free, I wanted to touch on what dryuary means to me now that I am dry all year round. Here’s my key January/Dryuary beats:
First off, it is important to note that even sober people pick up bad habits over the holidays. Bad habits that need a kick up the bum with the dawn of a new year. For many people, the holiday period is filled with over-indulgence of both booze and food. For me, while booze wasn’t part of the equation, my holiday season was still filled with plenty of over-indulgence. In fact, with so many people being merry (read: drunk) around me, I tended to overindulge on the desserts, chocolate raisins and cheese boards.
In fact, I believe I over-over-indulge at Christmas in order to console myself over the lack of drinking I am doing. And the missing out of delicious alcoholic delights like Baileys, boozey egg nog, champagne and mateus rose. As I acknowledge the lack of drink-based treats, I give myself permission to go hog wild in other areas. Chocolate Santa’s, Christmas Pudding, Mince Pies, Pigs in Blankets…
As such, my Dryuary now consists more significantly of healthy eating and cleansing my system from all the sugar, pastry and butter I’d choffed throughout December. Many friends do their Dryuary as part of a larger regimen like the Whole 30 which forbids consumption of alcohol as well as sugar, grains, dairy and legumes. (I have done it several times and find it to be a very effective way to shift eating behaviors. Not this year, but I am a believer.) This year I am focusing more on fasting alongside reducing overall caloric intake to help shift some lbs and give my digestive system a break. I try and do a four day water fast the first week in January and this year was no exception. Nothing but herbal tea, black coffee and water for 96 hours. It does wonders for my health, shutting down my digestive system for a period of time has a number of proven benefits. Keeping on the fasting kick, I am following the water fast up with a 23:1 fast over a number of days enjoying just a single hour of eating in a 24 hour period. I eat just one meal a day (over a number of days) and make that meal something super light and healthy such as a homemade vegetable soup with wholewheat bread. #healthyreboot
Homemade vegetable soup
2. Routine reestablisher
Another casualty of the holiday season is my sense of routine and my religious adherence to a daily ritual. With family visiting for the holidays, kids off school and a general sense of vacation-mode, it is hard to maintain the daily routines that help keep me sane.
As such, Dryuary is a return to routine. And in order to make that a reality, it consists of other things that many Dryuary participants also enjoy:
Early nights, more sleep, better sleep.
Less partying, more calm activities like reading.
More tea drinking which, if herbal, can also promote a sense of wellbeing (see: multipliers)
Re-engagement in exercise and increased activity
For me, this all means reengaging my morning ritual with rigor in all its glory; hot water with freshly squeezed lemon, sipping this hot drink while listening to affirmations, finishing up with full body push ups and kettlebell squats. Over the holiday period, this routine was still done daily but done much quicker and with less severity.
Dryuary sees me step back up to this routine in the name of sobriety, sanity and a swimming pool worthy-bod.
Hot Water with Lemon
3. Resolutions affirmed
Do you know that while 39% of us make resolutions in January, only 9% of us actually achieve our goals? Well, my #1 resolution for 2023 is to maintain my sobriety and alcohol-free lifestyle and I am 100% certain that I will achieve that goal. Here’s more stats:
38.5% of US adults set New Year’s resolutions every year.
59% of young adults (18-34) have New Year’s resolutions, which makes it the largest demographic that sets these goals.
48% want to exercise more, making it the most popular New Year’s resolution. The top 3 are all health-related.
23% quit in the first week, and only 36% make it past the first month.
9% successfully keep their New Year’s resolutions.
54% of parents with children have New Year’s resolutions, which is 1.6 times more than those who don’t have kids.
Top New Years Resolutions are (according to Forbes) around improving mental health, getting more exercise, eating more healthily, being more financial careful and quitting drinking.
Resolutions are a great way to set an intention for the year and to reflect on improvements you seek to see in yourself or your environment. They offer a reset of sorts from one year to the next and can be a great way to kick start a new hobby. I remember in 2009, my New Year's Resolution was to take ballet lessons which I managed for about a month before realizing my ballet dreams were already over as a novice at age 29 and 145lbs. 🤔 But it was a fun little experiment and made for good cocktail conversations.
This New Year's Resolutions are much simpler:
Stay resolute in my decision to quit drinking
Stick religiously to my morning ritual
As a part of my daily ritual, keep up with my kettlebell squats and push ups
Reduce other addictive elements from my diet: coffee and chocolate raisins
Drink more tea, replacing a cup of coffee a day with a herbal tea
How can you be so delicious when done right? And so awful when done wrong? Why do you sometimes smell and taste so scrumptuous? And sometimes taste so bad you have to be drunk brain-freeze cold or diluted with ice? Why do you make me feel so good? And then make me behave so poorly?
I continue to dive into NA wines, this time sampling a non-alcoholic white wine from FRE. As I battled with FOMO over delicious crisp wines other people were tucking into over the holiday season, I wanted to see if I could find something that would scratch the itch. White wine was my Go To / Get DrunkQuick drink of choice before I stopped drinking. White wine was an entry-level drink for me, something I could access readily and cheaply in England… but something which matured with me as I grew up, travelled the world and uncovered its endless possibilities:
I discovered in France that my favorite white wine is Semillon Sauvignon.
I discovered in California that my favorite white wine is Chardonnay.
I discovered in South Africa that my favorite white wine is Chenin Blanc.
I discovered in Australia that my favorite white wine is Verdelho.
I discovered in Italy that my favorite white wine is Pinot Grigio.
I discovered in England that cheap white wine was passable when served icy cold.
I discovered that my ‘off switch’ was broken when it came to drinking white wine.
I discovered over and over that white wine makes me a lousy, argumentative drunk.
White wine is a particular beast of the alcohol world and is unmatched in its ability to be both wonderful and absolutely awful. In fact, my own Mum was the first person to identify for me that white wine was my most dangerous drink and that I should set a ‘no white wine’ rule for my socializing. She helped me to identify that white wine specifically had a negative effect on me and that if I avoided that particular poison, I could perhaps be a more pleasant drinking buddy.
And in doing my research, it turns out I am not alone in this. Digging into it with my own desk research, I found threads around ‘wine drunk’ and ‘wine hangovers’ that were consistent with my own experiences.
wine drunk
Some people will argue that wine drunk is a different drunk to other booze drunk. I can attest to that. White wine used to get me drunk fast, be so easy-drinking that I would want to keep supping it in great volume, and with an average ABV over 10%, it was strong enough to cause reeeeeeeal trouble. Fights with friends, fights with boyfriends, mishaps with coworkers… and the most horrendous headaches the next day paired with blacked-out memory loss. Welp.
Turns out, misery truly does love company. According to the Daily Mail, I am not the only woman to have been sent ‘mental‘ by white wine (their word, not mine). Their findings suggest that the drinkable nature of white wine combines with women’s tendency to over-pour is the first step towards madness. The higher levels of sugar in white wine (vs other drinks and other types of wine) plus the specific sulphates are also attributed to how very drunkie poo we tend to get when drinking a glass or three of Sauvignon Plonk.
wine hangovers
Along with the concept of being wine drunk, wine hangovers truly are a thing. Wine has the absolute worst reputation for producing particularly nasty hangovers. Waking up like death, heavy, pounding headache, memory loss, nausea, anxiety, sweats… you name it and a wine hangover has got it covered.
Aside from the other culprits that contribute to these kind of hyper-intense hangovers, like drinking too much, drinking on an empty stomach, and not staying hydrated, the congeners in red wine apparently have something to do with this idea of a ‘wine hangover’. Congeners are chemical byproducts of the fermentation process that give wine and other alcoholic drinks their flavor. They’re found in higher concentrations in darker drinks, including red wine. These nightmare congeners are associated with more severe hangovers, but apply most firmly to red wine hangovers.
As for a ‘white wine hangover’, the most common factors behind those kind of horrid hangovers include dehydration, mild alcohol poisoning, and the body’s depletion of vitamins and minerals. See, alcohol, in general, is a diuretic. As you drink wine, it hastens the body’s natural process of flushing out fluids. If you don’t drink enough water, this will lead to dehydration, which brings a bout of sluggishness and nausea. As we drink white wine like it is water, avoiding hydrating our desperately dehydrated bodies, we amplify that depletion of good stuff in our system and aggravate the whole scenario.
If you do a Google search, you will discover that the most common symptoms of a hangover are:
Fatigue and weakness
Thirst
Headaches and muscle aches
Nausea, vomiting or stomach pain
Bad sleep
Increased sensitivity to light and sound
Dizziness or a sense of the room spinning
Shakiness
Decreased ability to concentrate
Mood disturbances, such as depression, anxiety and irritability
Rapid heartbeat
Alas, I don’t have to take WebMD’s word for it. I’ve discovered first hand, time and time again, the horrendous nature of a bad hangover in my boozy days of yesteryear.
700 days, hangover free
Even writing about hangovers is powerful enough to solidify my resolve. And hurrah! I am so fortunate to be able to say I am over 700 days hangover free and not planning on getting one any time soon. Following advise from the likes of Allen Carr and Holly Whitaker, I made a decision to quit alcohol and I never ever question that decision.
Make a decision to quit alcohol and never ever doubt that decision.
Allen Carr
And so, after all of this pre-amble, how does an alcohol-free Chardonnay from FRE shape up? Does it do anything to remove my sense of FOMO and my grief over white wine?
No. Not really. It is semi-rubbish. It lacks all of the sophistication, depth and interest of a true Chardonnay. It doesnt have the same rich, buttery, oaky deliciousness of a good Chard. However, for everything that it lacks, it does have a fresh, tastiness that was pleasant with roast turkey over Thanksgiving and Christmas.
According to FRE, their Chardonnay’s rich, creamy apple flavors mingle with crisp citrus notes on the palate, concluding with an enjoyable tart finish. The grapes are harvested from California’s finest cool-climate vineyards, where breezes and fog allow the grapes to ripen slowly and develop rich, complex flavors. FRE is crafted using traditional winemaking methods, followed by state-of-the-art spinning cone technology to remove the alcohol while safeguarding the delicate aromas and flavors of a traditional glass of wine.
Hmmmmmm. OK. I cannot agree that it has the depth of aromas of a traditional Chardonnay BUT like I said, it was very pleasant with my holiday turkey and it lightly scratched my itch.
Ingredients
Classy glassware such as these little beauties which are already on my wish list for next Holiday season. Smaller glasses are helpful for non-alcoholic wines as they help you sip it and stick to small quantities which is all you need of these ‘almost ok’ zero-proof wines.
Food to pair with the wine such as a cheese board, roast chicken or glazed salmon.
Instructions
Chill the wine very very well. Remember old tricks like drinking cheaper, poorer quality drinks icy cold to help disguise the taste. It will help (no offense FRE).
Pour yourself a small glass. This is not time for one of my infamous ‘British pours’. This is time for moderation on top of moderation. Less is more with this one (again, no offense FRE).
Tuck in alongside some delicious food.
Enjoy your wine paired with something exceptionally tasty, be thankful for your sobriety and raise a glass to yourself.
With the holidays approaching, I am going to spend time trying non-alcoholic wines in the hope of helping the holiday season pass by in a jolly manner. With so much delicious foods to enjoy, from the Thanksgiving Feast to the Christmas overindulgence, I am looking forward to turkey with all the trimmings, apple pie, cheese and charcuterie, honey-roast ham, Christmas pudding and of course lashings of chocolates. All my favourite foods to pair with what used to be my favourite drink: wine.
Jammy red wine. Crisp white wine. Deliciously drinkable rosé. Dry, cold bubbly.
I love them all. Wines for every occasion. My drink of choice. A friend, greatly missed.
Cheap as Chips
In the early days of my drinking past, wine had a big role to play. When I was at university, my friend Ella and I would go out dancing on the weekend and spend only £5 each in getting our buzz on so we could boogie. The local grocery store had cheap wine which it sold 2 for £5. I guess this was the UK’s version of Two Buck Chuck. We would generally buy two red and two white to share, chugging the cheap wine at home before heading out to the nightclub.
Not so fine on white wine
In my early career, I would choose to drink white wine on a night out with friends. It got me drunk nice and fast and was easy drinking. I would opt for Pinot Grigio and add ice cubes if it was too warm or too cheap to enjoy. This tipple often led to me being too drunk and would be my fight night drink, leaving me argumentative and a pain in the arse. Saying things I shouldn’t, falling out with friends. As mentioned in tea, glorious tea, the advertising agency I worked in had a terrific bar that had “Buy One Get One Free” Thursdays which extended to bottles of rosé which we would swig all night long. High ABV, highly drinkable, highly dangerous. With that recipe for success, I would inevitably get super drunk and again, be a pain the arse.
How’d we end up on the floor anyway? You say “Your roommate’s cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that’s how”
Maroon, Taylor Swift
Wine snobbery
Later in my career, wine was elevated into something more sophisticated as I had the opportunity to visit vineyards around the world and learn more about the glorious grape. I tasted wine in Australia, France, South Africa, Greece, Brazil, California and Mexico. I learned the correct way to hold my wine glass so I fit in with pretentious nobheads. Opportunities were unlocked as I learned about Sémillon, Beaujolais, Pinotage. I learned how to pair crumbly or creamy cheese with crisp, dry white wine while talking shop with my clients. We found common ground and connection over our love for these finer things in life.
Wine is the most civilized thing in the world.
Ernest Hemingway
Jammy, peppery, yummy
Moving to California, I discovered a previously unknown-to-me variety of red wine, frequently found in the Lodi Valley wine region in Central CA: Zinfandel. We didn’t drink a lot of Zinfandel in London. Or any for that matter. I discovered that this variety has a jammy flavor bursting with fruity aromas of blackberry, cherry, plums, black pepper, and cinnamon with varying levels of oak. God I’m drooling. And my point is made. I like me a good Zin.
Don’t call it Champagne
Keeping it classy, I learned to love Champagne and sup Kir Royales in France. I learned from the French that nothing other than Champagne from the Champagne region of France is allowed to be called Champagne. And yet I went to Russia and drank Shampanskoye and found their local sparkling wine quite OK for the price and a much better alternative to all the vodka. And then I moved to California and discovered there was a legal loophole here too that enabled the local sparkling wines to be called California Champagne. What a delicious outrage. I supported this loop hole by having Korbel as the ‘Champagne’ at our wedding. And by having a Champagne-themed 40th birthday party. It was celebratory California Champagne (toasting to a new job opportunity) that was actually my very last alcoholic drink that I sipped, 643 days ago. Read more about that tale here.
And so, 643 days since I have last indulged in the blessed grape, I want to know if there is a small slither of its gloriousness that lives on in an alcohol free afterlife.
I’ll be diving deeper into non-alcoholic wines to see if they can hold up. One of the first I tried was a de-alcoholized ‘Champagne’ from St Regis which was declared to be a delicious, fizzy bubbly. At over $25 bottle, the jury is still out on whether it is ‘worth it’ but for us alcohol-free bettys, it is a good celebration drink. I will defo be getting a couple of bottles in of St Regis for Christmas.
Bait and Switch
So, that’s the Champs covered, now how about a Red? Can I find an alcohol-free red wine that is not pour-down-the-drain filth? First up: ARIEL Cabernet Sauvignon.
They describe their wine as an oak-aged Cabernet Sauvignon with aromas of black currants, cherry, blueberries and chocolate, with soft tannins and a dry finish. Somewhat incredibly, this wine is not new to the market as so many of the AF beverages are. Ariel has been perfecting this wine for over forty years. They use reverse osmosis to pump their fresh wine through membranes that separate the alcohol and water from the wine. That leaves a concentrate with all the flavor, texture and aromas of the original wine. And it is not too bad. Quite good really. The flavors come through… chocolate and cherry and blackcurrant with a dry finish. It lacks the bite and warmth and pepperiness of a good red wine but if I am eating a rich pasta dish or a steak, and I close my eyes, I can enjoy it just enough to make it worth it.
