boring / dancing

My dad recently asked me how I wasn’t bored to death being sober. I explained to him that I used to think the same thing when I thought about people who didn’t drink! Looking back, I remember a time when I thought people who were sober were so very boring, that tee-totalers were complete dullards. I could not imagine for a single moment living a life without alcohol. How could I ever laugh and have fun? Or chill out and unwind? What is the point?! I would be very boring and bored out of my brains.

There are certainly moments still now, two and a half years into my sober furious journey, that I crave a little wildness, levity and escapism. That I want to get schwasted with my hubby and fool around and listen to music in an intoxicated manner. That I want to let loose and have uninhibited, down-and-dirty FUN. But those moments are few and far between. For the most part I do not think about alcohol or drinking and 99% of the time I do not miss it in any way.

Better than Bored

As I wrote about in highs / lows, being sober is an acquired taste, like olives. You don’t have the same highs, laugh till you cry, dance till you drop moments but you also don’t have any of the lows either. The hangovers and anxiety and volatility are gone. My life is more even keeled and I am much happier now that I am sober. Happier, freer, fitter, saner, calmer, more poised, more balanced.

Everything is interconnected. Gratitude improves sleep. Sleep reduces pain. Reduced pain improves your mood. Improved mood reduces anxiety. It’s a daisy-chain of benefits.

Catherine Gray, ‘The Unexpected Joy of being Sober’

Boredom vs Boring

Going back to my Dad’s question around being bored to death by being sober… it’s helpful to separate out the two issues here: being boring vs being bored. Is being sober making me boring or making me bored? Surely my Dad doesn’t really think for a second that I am boring, does he? I don’t think so. He has spent enough time around me sober to know that I am still the sparkling, life-affirming zany firecracker I always was. Personally, I feel confident that being sober hasn’t turned me into a complete dullard. But the risk of boredom is definitely a real thing in the quest to maintain long-term sobriety.

Boredom threatens Sobriety

It seems a little silly to think that something as trivial as boredom could be a risk. But in actual fact, the seemingly basic issue of boredom can overturn healing and success for many people in their sober curious journey. Boredom makes the mind wander, makes you restless and can be triggering. As boredom sets in, your mind can trick you into remembering all the “good” times you’ve had drinking, how much fun you used to have, how enjoyable life was with a drink in hand. In Sober Curious groups on Facebook, so many posts ask the question: “what do you do for fun, now that you don’t drink?”. The authors are baffled and befuddled by what to do with all the free time that they used to spend drinking.

Maybe this is where the idea of ‘boring’ and ‘bored’ does start to overlap. The kind of healthy, sober activities that people, including myself, do now that they are sober will likely sound as dull as ditchwater to a heavy-drinking, rock-n-rolling, risk-taking wild ‘un. Activities like: reading, meditation, breathwork, hiking, running, learning an instrument, bike-riding, learning to cook, baking, jigsaw puzzling, taking up a new sport.

Boring but Better

For me, one of these ‘boring’ activities I have leaned into since becoming sober is ‘organizing’. I have always known that I am at my best when I am organized. Since becoming Sober Furious, my schedule is well managed, my calendar and planner lined up and there is more order and organization to how I run my household. Birthday parties are planned early, Christmas gifts bought by Thanksgiving, concert tickets are early bird, camping trips well packed for. I am not rigid or OCD about it, but I am now lacking forgetfulness and last-minute chaos. Chaos and rushing bring out the worst in me and therefore this activity of keeping us all organized and well planned is another multiplier that has helped bring out my extra awesomeness over the past couple of years.

Sober Dancing

One of the things that I organized in advance this year was tickets to my kids’ annual school gala. Knowing I wanted to go this year, I went ahead and bought early bird tickets. I got tickets for a cheaper price, booked it in the calendar and organized a babysitter weeks in advance. I organized my Havana-themed outfit by borrowing from friends or finding stuff on Poshmark. On the night, I was one of the first people dancing. Not forced or anything (“look at me, sober dancing!”)… but just because Shakira was warbling and it got my booty moving. I danced, I drank virgin mojitos, I raided the dessert table and I drove us home clear headed and happy. Being sober and dancing may sound like they don’t go together but it made me feel fantastic. Digging into it further, it turns out that there is actually a growing movement offering sober parties and experiences with a focus on dance to boost your mental health. Worth reading!

Another thing that helps me not die of boredom are the mocktails available at these kind of events. The enormous upsurgence of non-alcoholic options in the beverage market is a big deal to anyone new to sober curiousity. My latest favorite is actually part of the Superfood beverage market and the folks at Sunwink describe their Sparkling Tonic’s as The Perfect Alcohol Substitute. You can buy a 12-pack of their mocktail vareities which includes the Hibiscus Mint Unwind that I am featuring here. Crafted with hibiscus, mint and ashwagandha known to refresh and relax, it is truly delicious and nutritious.

If you are comfortable dancing in public without alcohol or drugs, you are at peace with who you are.

Ankur Warikoo on Twitter